When was the last time you did something totally in secret? I’m not talking about a thought, but some kind of action or experience that you didn’t directly share with any other human? Sure, we all do things alone. But did someone know about it? Did you share it on Facebook or Twitter or tell a friend what you did? Think about it for a while. When was the last time no one knew?

As humans we have this innate desire to be known. So it makes sense to have the urge to share our experiences with other humans. If no one knows, we’ll be alone. Right? Joys aren’t as joyful and sorrows aren’t as easily overcome when we’re alone. Okay, it’s true—there are things in life that are too good to keep to ourselves and there is grief too deep to carry on our own. But there is also something called timing and process. We tend to like to skip steps on the way to wherever we’re heading—take the easy route and ignore the tedious or painful stages along the way.

What if we could find ourselves if we kept secrets a little longer? If we went through parts of the process seemingly alone? What if we’d have something greater to offer the world if we slowed down and allowed the process to do its work, with a timing that may not match our expectations?

What if?

There is something called the secret place. It’s a place in our souls where we experience the deepest communion with our Creator. It’s the one place we find ourselves refreshed, re-envisioned, and healed. And yet because we all have this intrinsic fear of being alone, we are apt to avoid this place. It scares us. Because we know that in this place we can’t pretend anymore. We’ll have to face ourselves. We want to be known and yet we’re scared of what that really means. I believe that is why so many of us find this need to constantly be with someone else, because it’s easy to pretend. We’ve been practicing our whole lives. And we’ve believed this lie that if someone would just like the person we make ourselves to be, we will be fulfilled. We’ll be okay.

In the secret place, no one knows except our Father and Creator. And see, those of us who follow Him and know His Word know that He already knows everything about us—the good, the bad, the ugly.

The beautiful. The glorious. 

            Perhaps if we actually dare to spend more time in the secret place, where no one even knows what we’re doing except God Himself, than in gatherings and worship services and social events—perhaps, just maybe, we will find what we’re looking for.

Because, you see, we’re looking for ourselves. And the only way to find your truest self is to consult the One who made every darn part of you! Maybe if we confront our fear of letting go of what makes us feel secure, we’ll find the love we long for.

The only way to become who we want to be is to see. And the only way to see is to let God sometimes take us into that secret place. See, no one can know, because if they did, we would once again seek for validation from another person. Sometimes our Father will strip everything away so that we’ll come to Him. Because so often when we have other options, He is our second choice. We won’t admit it—but think about it. It’s just true.

I’m on this journey of discovering who I am in ways I’ve never fathomed before. You may have been able to follow me in some of my process if you’ve been keeping up with my blog lately. I feel right now in my life that literally nothing is as it once was. It may look, on the outside, like some things haven’t changed. But I know that everything has changed. A major shift has taken place—and all the “good” things that once surrounded me and gave me a sense of belonging and security no longer occupy the same place in my life. None of it failed me—it’s just not the same anymore. And I’m so okay with that.

Because in this place where the things that formerly gave me purpose and meaning are somewhat nonexistent, I can finally find who I really am. And I can finally know my Father for who He really is. Because when there’s nothing else, I run to Him.

Where do I belong? I belong to my Father.

How do I fit in? Well, really, I’m not called to fit in. I’m just called to reflect His glory wherever I am.

What am I supposed to do? Walk with Jesus, the one whom they once called Yeshua. Yeshua is a Hebrew name for Joshua, which means (according to my handy dandy name book) bringer of truth.

It is in the secret place that I will discover Truth.

It is in the secret place that my eyes will become clear, so that when others look into them, I won’t have to speak any words or tell them what I’ve experienced.

They’ll just know.

 

This song has been speaking to me lately. Whenever I hear it, I hear Jesus saying the words to me. Go ahead and give it a listen, and let God speak to you in that secret place with Him.