Confessions of an Artist

I am realizing something about myself. That I strive to feel alive and a part of this world. That at times I am not content because no one sees me.

Why am I not content with knowing that the One who made me and cares for me the most always sees me?

I am an artist. A writer. Lately I’ve been venturing to coffee shops, trying to find that perfect place, time, and cup of coffee to copilot me into the world of my stories. But what I’m beginning to see is that more than wanting to be immersed in the worlds of my characters, there is a deeper desire. A desire to be a vital part of this world that I live in. So instead of sitting at home and clicking away on the keys, out of sight and out of knowledge of anyone else, I surround myself with other people who live and work in the same places I do. I go to silently declare to the world—here I am. I am a writer. I am writing, working on my contribution to society just like you are.

Why do artists struggle so much with validation? Why are we lonely? Why don’t we ever feel quite good enough?

I don’t have all the answers, but without trying to sound cliché I do know that no amount of validation or praise from any man will fill the desire of our hearts. This desire to be wanted, valued, to have a purpose and something to give to those around us that they can’t get anywhere else. No amount of praise will do.

We will always feel alone and unworthy until we really know the presence and the love of our Creator. See, I’m having a hard time communicating this, because I know so many of us have heard this a lot. But I mean, really. If you’ve experience the love of God, you know it. And it changed your life. That doesn’t mean you don’t go back and forth, as I often do with shifting and fickle emotions that ride on my circumstances the majority of the time.

But when you know, you know.

I wish with all my heart there was some way to release with my words, my stories, this incredible, unfathomable love of God to you. But I just pray that you will encounter him, that he will take you off guard in ways my feeble words never could.

And for all you fellow artists out there, you are not alone. It’s okay to feel lonely. I often do. But please, don’t give up.

I believe God has given a unique and important voice to the artists of every generation. We can communicate truth in ways others can’t, in ways that can often cut straight to the heart. So don’t underestimate what God has given you, however unworthy, lonely, or guilty you feel. There is a raging battle over our minds.

Don’t let the enemy of your soul steal the truth or alter who you are.

Instead, be free in the love of God, in all your shame and brokenness. Stretch out your arms and embrace the love that you can’t ever change, and bask in the peace it brings. Then go share with all the other broken people the gift your Creator has given you.

What struggles do you have as an artist? I’d love your feedback in the comments!

One thought on “Confessions of an Artist

  1. Denica Im happy to see you writing so beautifully. I struggle with finishing but I can see a small dot of light at the end of the tunnel. So I will trust in the path I know is set out for me and hope it leads me to where I am suppose to be. Keep writing your words matter. Kath.

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