Shattered Reflections

Beauty from the Broken

I don’t know about you, but when I was a teenager I was imprisoned by insecurity. It literally kept me locked up. I was afraid to move, to speak, to express my inner self for fear of—

I don’t know what exactly.

But that’s just it—this fear that bound me up and kept me silent, this fear that I allowed to keep me from being who I really am—was irrational. And yet its power remained. Because I believed I wasn’t pretty enough, good enough, talented enough or smart enough. Everyone around me could tell me otherwise and I still don’t know if I would have believed it. I just couldn’t see myself as a whole and beautiful person. I was fatally flawed. No one would ever really want to know me, because I wasn’t as creative or witty or pretty as someone else. The comparison game ran its course in my mind day after day, and I don’t think I was really aware of its full effect until sometime in my adulthood.

I am a different person now. Well, actually, let me rephrase that. I am the same person I have always been. I just know more now. I just believe more truth than lies now; at least I’m learning to. The truth is I have always been beautiful—a daughter of God created by Him and for Him, possessing a destiny that is more glorious than even my overactive mind could imagine. The truth is the dreams I have are there for a reason and I should not shut them down because someone thinks my head is “in the clouds.” My Creator is the author of the impossible, so we aren’t even able to dream as big as He does. Who ever told us we should deny our dreams?

The truth is I am blameless—and yes, perfect. Don’t take this the wrong way. Sure, I have made more than my share of mistakes, I have hurt people I love, I have made choices based on selfish motives—time and time again. But I am blameless. Because if I really believe the Scriptures, I know that God views me through the lens of the blood that His Son Jesus shed. If He didn’t shed it to remove all trace of sin from our lives and have an open relationship with us, then what was the point?

A few days ago I had an interesting dream where I believe God actually showed me myself as a teenager. Now, whenever I see photos of myself, even now, from that stage of life I cringe inwardly (sometime outwardly) at the awkwardness. But this dream was different. I saw myself in a way I never have before—I saw someone beautiful and worth loving. I think God was giving me a glimpse of how he viewed my younger self, and redeeming the lies I lived in during that period of my life.

Recently I was thinking about how so many things in our culture are constantly telling us we’re not good enough, we don’t have enough, we’re NOT ENOUGH. Ads and commercials appeal to the things we’re embarrassed about and feel a need to fix. Or they tell us that we have to look or feel a certain way or have certain things in order to be happy. They offer solutions that aren’t really solutions.

Because the solution lies in finding healing for our souls. In seeing ourselves as beautifully flawed and yet complete. We’ll never be able to fix all the flaws. But that does not make us unlovable, unacceptable, or anything less than anyone else. I’m sick and tired of the comparison game.

I’m done with photo-1423480324944-3bfd580706e1being told I’m not good enough.

I’m not enough.

I’ll never be smart enough or creative enough.

This kind of thinking is limiting.

But we serve a limitless Creator. A Creator who is not partial in who He calls beautiful, in who He deems valuable. In who He sees fit to show His glory through.

Please, don’t be afraid to be who you are. Don’t let comparison or lies shut you down. Remember your passion, and run with it, because it’s there for a reason. Accept love. Accept that you are loved. It’s the only way to be free, friends.

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