I wrote the following a few weeks ago. It was a journal entry of sorts, a way to express my frustrations over the things that stifle my creativity, or just my joy in general. Go ahead and give it a read, then at the end I want to leave you not with resolutions for the new year, but with statements of what I want to step into this year. What I choose to believe for this year. Here is what I wrote a few weeks back:
“Writing takes a lot of emotional investment. I think I’m finally starting to realize this. It’s really hard to write when my emotions are elsewhere. I am so, so frustrated because so much of me wants to write so bad, but I feel that my life and my thoughts just zap me of emotional and physical and mental energy so that I can’t do what I want to do. I feel like I’m being robbed, and I’m not sure what to do about that. I really don’t know. I don’t want to make excuses, but I am so weak. I feel drained and unsatisfied, and sometimes I’m just tired of being an unfinished picture. How am I going to give if what I have is constantly being drained out of me because of my responsibilities or just my discontented emotions? I don’t even have to ask if this is life, because I know it isn’t. So what needs to change? Just my perspective? Or something else?
If this is not truth, if this is not reality, and if this is not life, then how do I walk in that deeper reality that when I see and hear glimpses of it my soul is stirred? When will that ignited spark become a flame that never goes out? Because if I know one thing, I know that this reality of freedom and joy and abundance is what God offers and wants for me, for us.
But I’ve come to the end, again. I don’t have the power to turn a great idea into a present reality. My life is full of pressures, demands, things that constantly threaten my sense of hope, joy, or peace. Or even the truth that I am deeply loved. Everything that happens and every relationship that is imperfect steals something from me, sucks from me whatever I may have gained. But we’re not supposed to let that happen. I know this. This truth draws me and speaks to my heart because the deepest part of me knows its incredible ramifications.
I don’t have answers. I can’t polish my conclusions. But the one thing I do have is Jesus. And if He’s enough, then may I trust Him.
There’s this painting that an artist did at our church some time ago, and the image sticks in my head. I can see Jesus, his hand outstretched towards me, his eyes inviting yet wild. The waves crash around His feet and the darkness in the sky threatens to extinguish any light and any hope. But Jesus is there, in the midst, calling me to take His hand and with Him, overcome every oppressor. He never, ever asks us to do this alone.”
New Year’s Faith Statements:
This will be a year to know the love of Jesus like never before, and this will transform the way we see and live.
This will be a year to live in radical surrender and trust and find the surprising freedom that comes with this.
This will be a year of open doors and exponential growth.
This will be a year of relationships absent of fear.
This will be a year to see God work in miraculous ways just because He says it’s possible.
This will be a year to take God’s hand and just see what He will do. Anything can happen.
Finally, this will be a year to know God’s love, to know His heart, to know how clean we are, and to live more fully.
If He is for us, what is there to stop us?